one eighty five: The Platform of Surrender
“The Platform of Surrender” (photo: Anna Gay/Flickr, licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

While going through the process of divorcing my husband, living as a single mother with my daughter, working full time in a classroom for severely physically and cognitively disabled children, and going to college full time in the evenings, I began to ponder what true love is. It was during this time that I had the following experience with a wonderful lady, Ms. Fran.

Ms. Fran comes every day to our class, to help us feed one of our students at lunchtime. Her hands gnarled with age, she folds his fingers around the spoon, helping him grip it. Suddenly one day, she turned, leaned into me, and said, “I was very blessed. I had an excellent husband. Fifty-two years, and he died nine years ago. He was a loving husband, an excellent father, and a friend.”

She smiled on that last bit, knowing that everything else grew out of that friendship.

“He treated me like a princess, always brought me flowers for no reason. One time I asked him why he brought them: Did he do something wrong he was trying to make up for?”

He scoffed at her. He told her she deserved the flowers “because you’re a good girl.”

Ms. Fran apologized to her husband for the doubt and explained, “I never asked why again when he brought me flowers. He just kept bringing them, and I kept accepting them for 52 years.”

Today, we celebrated Fran’s birthday in class. We got her a bouquet of flowers and a cake. I was the first to sign the card, and I wrote, “Because you’re a good girl.”

I wrote it good and big across the top. When she read it, her eyes watered, her fingers shook, and she stopped to give me a second hug before she continued reading. She said, “That brings back memories. God bless you.”

After lunch was over, she leaned toward me again and said, “I’ll remember that forever. Thank you.”

This morning, I kept thinking ‘I just want to be special to someone, to share some special relationship, each recognizing the universal love in each other and sharing in it together.’ I had been thinking of how lucky she was to have had the beautiful relationship with her husband and, of course, couldn’t help but wish that I will find that for myself.

Having this experience made me realize that it is not just an experience between two sweethearts. It happens any time two people recognize in each other the love of the universe manifest — become connected by it, share mutually in it. That is what true love is, not the desires of the ego.

Today, I had the experience of sharing love with a woman I hardly know, celebrating her 79th birthday. Life continues to be more surprising, inspiring, and fulfilling than I could ever have imagined. Contented sighs and prayers of gratitude follow.


Destiny DorozanDestiny Dorozan is a student of Clinical Psychology at the University of Detroit Mercy, mother to a beautiful flower, Lily, and a published poet. Her poetry can be found in the online journals Rogue Poetry Review and The Ambassador Poetry Project.

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Reflections

That is so remarkably beautiful. Thank you for sharing this with the world.

Namaste' - I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are One.

Simply beautiful. Yes, this is what true love is. Everyone should be so blessed to be able to experience this kind of love in their lives. Thank you for sharing your experience with all of us.

This is lovely. Thank you for sharing in such a personal way. I too have found that some of the deepest connections can last just a few minutes with people we hardly know, when we give openly from the pure kindness in our heart. This gives me hope for humanity, for the light of the world.

I've been thankful to know Destiny for a few years now, she's been an inspiration to me not only creatively, but in my learnings of love and devotion to others.I find myself now in a position far from home devoting myself entirely to those who most need loving and caring relationships. I'd like to thank her for her role in shaping my life, in her own small way.

Exactly.

You wrote" While going through the process of divorcing my husband, living as a single mother with my daughter, working full time in a classroom for severely physically and cognitively disabled children, and going to college full time in the evenings, I began to ponder what true love is" I will offer the following suggestion. It's suffering though the hard times of a marriage fighting to make it work is the lesson of Fran. Self sacrifice all for Lily should be your focus. She had the right to have a whole family. She had the right to a parent who has time for her. How do you have time for Lily while your in a class for emotional draining and physically challenging children? How do you have time for Lily while your off taking college courses? When do you have time for Lily when you have to do homework? If you ripped your family apart to save your self and Lily from abuse or worse why occupy all your time without her while you have sole custody?
Fran knew true love. But that love took a lot of hard work. Not every day was pleasant, or kind and she had to turn the other cheek many times but she stuck with it. She took a vow and she has character that has carried her 79 years being true to that vow.

I hope Lily's dad is not a total shit and make up for the hole you have made in Lily's life. She deserves to have a mother every waking moment. Not just when you can squeak her in. My be Lily will get to be one of your classmate's first patients.

You are using a copyrighted photo, so you are stealing. Kind of takes away from the cred of your blog. And lying about the CC license makes it even worse. Shame on you.

It's really a nice post.. Your post brings a smile on face and tears in the eyes.. I really appreciate your post.. I am glad I visited here..

Very interesting. I loved reading your story. It brought tears to my eyes. I would love to read more.