Masjid An-Nasr, Oklahoma City
The crescent-topped dome of Masjid An-Nasr peeks through trees of a residential neighborhood in Oklahoma City. (photo: Andrew Shockley/Flickr)

My grandfather was the Reverend Calvin Titus Perkins, known by all as C.T. He was a Southern Baptist evangelist — a traveling preacher in Oklahoma, the former Indian Territory. He arrived, when he was a very young boy and it was a very young state, in a covered wagon. That famous dry Oklahoma dust seems embedded in the few black-and-white photos I’ve seen of him and his unkempt, unsmiling siblings. Several of them went on to drink and divorce. He was a man of passion but also a lover of order, a believer in rules. The bare bones Calvinism that flourished on the frontier offered him not only a faith but a way beyond the chaos and poverty he knew as a child.

When I left home at 18 for Brown University — in part because it was farther from Oklahoma than any other school that accepted me — my grandfather epitomized what I felt I had to escape from. His was a small, closed world defined by judgment. I was throwing myself toward possibility, toward life with a liberating small “l.” The Eternal Life that all his theology drove toward was really about the avoidance of death and damnation. As I grew older, this threat utterly lost its sense for me. How could every Catholic and Jew, every atheist in China and every northern Baptist in Chicago, for that matter — every non-Southern Baptist — be damned? Could God be so petty, and heaven so small?

The meanness of the God C.T. preached was contradicted, more poignantly, in his own person, though he would never have seen this in himself, nor did I have the words for many years to describe it. He was funny and smart and large-hearted. He had left school after second grade but could perform complex mathematical equations in his head. The copious notes he made in the margins of the Bibles he preached from bespoke a delight in the workings of his mind.

But I saw with my own brand of judgment that there were questions that he would not ask — contradictions too frightening to name. I would leave. I would ask. He reconciled himself to my move in the knowledge that Brown had a Baptist foundation in Roger Williams. Yet for a good decade, at Roger Williams’s erstwhile institution and beyond it, religion ceased to interest me altogether.

Religion, and my grandfather, began to catch up with me again in my thirties and forties, as life (that liberating small “l” heavier now with time) played its sweet circular tricks. I left a high journalistic and political road to study theology. I could scarcely believe that I was becoming religious again and vowed that I could do so only if I could reconcile it with the fullness of my mind. In this, I was still defining myself in opposition to my grandfather, again defying his example.

Strange, then, that as I set out to create a public radio program about religion in the early 2000s, I began finally to be grateful for his place in my life. Our public imagination about religion was dominated by a few shrill preachers, and evangelical Christianity had reentered American politics in a whole new way. Missing from view was a universe of thinking faith and spiritual inquiry I had found thriving just beneath the surface of extremes and platitudes. Missing too was an awareness of the humanity of people like my grandfather and the hard-won integrity of his way of life, circumscribed as I might find it with my farther-traveled, better-educated eyes. The religious historian Martin Marty speaks in the plural about the categories we use to describe vast groups of religious people, salvaging the messy, diverse humanity that slips beneath the cultural radar: evangelicalisms, Protestantisms, fundamentalisms. I’d add: Judaisms and Buddhisms.

“Islam” doesn’t lend itself to pluralization in that way, either linguistically or theologically, but “Muslims” does. “The Muslim world” is as deceptively monolithic a phrase as any we use and as meaningless as “the Christian West.” I’ve spent more time learning that, excavating it, than I could possibly have imagined when I proposed this radio experiment two years before 2001.

So what would my grandfather think of me spending my days illuminating the faith of Muhammad? His thorniest interfaith challenge was breaking my mother’s heart by forbidding her to see her high school boyfriend, who was Methodist and therein a peril to her mortal soul. Still, even the religious world of Oklahoma has changed, and the larger world’s changes have reached Oklahoma. We hear from an inordinate number of Muslim public radio listeners in places like Tulsa.

Last year I received a package that moved me to tears, from a Southern Baptist minister in the Deep South. He had been shaken by the hatred he experienced rising up in his congregation, in their community, in the years following 9/11. Hatred, he knew, was not Christian and could not be of God. He had written an illustrated book introducing the faith of Muslims to Christian children so that understanding and compassion might take root in the place of fear. He sent me an inscribed copy.

I love to think, as I wrote back to him, that my grandfather’s faith might have evolved in this way if he had lived into our century. This Southern Baptist minister embodied the “depth theology” which the great rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel best described — those places deep in our traditions where orthodoxy becomes paradox. For whether or not Muslims will go to heaven remains a real question in Southern Baptist belief and many other forms of Christianity. But in a place just as doctrinaire, compassion for the stranger, the outcast, the other is a command. The one is a question to be held, in the knowledge that its meaning will not be unlocked in this lifetime. The other is a command to be lived, breathed, and embodied right now. The seeming contradiction between them is Mystery — a mystery which can form the basis of shared life between the righteous across boundaries even as they remain faithful to beliefs that set them apart.

These days I’m in conversation with scientists as much as religious thinkers. I know too much to take the clash of civilizations between science and religion seriously any more than I can accept it as a framework for the relationship be tween Muslims and the West. I’ve explored the social ethics of Charles Darwin and the “cosmic religious sensibility” of the quintessential scientist, Albert Einstein. Einstein fervently dismissed the notion of a personal God that my grandfather held so dear — the idea of a God who would set the laws of physics in motion and then turn around and meddle in them. Yet Einstein spent his days pursuing the order he perceived “deeply hidden behind everything” and describing it mathematically.

As I pursue my fascination with the spiritually and morally evocative nature of his scientific discovery and others, I am experiencing my grandfather for the first time as an intellectual companion. I feel his untapped mind, those questions he bottled up and could not ask, right beside me, delighting too. The cutting-edge insights of physics, biology, and neuroscience don’t defy or in any way address most of his orthodoxies directly. Instead they open a whole new world of imagination about what it means to be human, alive, and amazed. They open new and deeper questions about what it means to be religious. The Vatican has even brought Galileo back into its fold — Galileo, who wrote that mathematics is the language in which the universe is written. I love to imagine how different my grandfather’s faith would have been — how different his life might have been — if he had pondered the notion that the mathematics in which he was so mysteriously fluent might be the mother tongue of his God.

Share Your Reflection



This is wonderful! My journey has led from a Roman Catholic household to an excommunicated community called Spiritus Christi in Rochester, NY. My Dad was a Methodist and I so envied his family for the pot-luck suppers and picnics that we attended while visiting in Kansas (not quite Oklahoma) when I was a child. As an adult, I wandered from Catholicism, to Methodism, back to THE CHURCH, and then to Presbyterianism before the crisis at Corpus Christi 12 years ago. Thank God Cardinal Ratzinger forced our Bishop to fire Fr. Jim Callan. His crimes were to invite all to communion, allow women on the altar, and bless gay/lesbian unions. After a period of descernment, Spiritus Christi was created by the displaced parishioners and Fr. Jim joined them. We now have ordained women priests as well and marvelous outreaches. There is growth. I only wish more disheartened folks had such an alternative as I have had. Do check us our at
Mary Wilkins

Ken Wilber's Integral Theory and Fowler's Stages of Faith can help make sense of the different word views and levels of understanding of individuals on the spiritual path. There are places along the path where literal-fundamentalist and science fit in. It's all part of the growing process. I would LOVE to see Ken Wilber or Fowler interviewed on SOF! They could shed a lot of light on stories like this. The development through stages of faith is the missing piece of the puzzle that the mainstream public has not really picked up on yet.

Stages of Faith:

ἀεὶ ὁ θεὸς ὁ μέγας γεωμετρεῖ τό σύμπαν
"Always the great God applies geometry to everything."
This phrase is found in Plutarch as a mnemonic device to remember the value of pi. Einstein was addressing the sense of wonder also felt by the ancient Greeks.

Yours is a hopeful vision and I listen to your program to be encouraged by it. Yet the damage caused by people of faith who do not share the belief that hatred is not Christian and could not be of God is staggering. Theirs is a vision of Jesus standing in front of a fully furled American flag with an automatic weapon slung over his shoulder carrying a King James Bible demanding that the borders be protected in the name of freedom and God. It overpowers, for me, your image of a mosque standing over an Oklahoma middle class neighborhood. I hope you're right and I'm wrong.

I am so glad Speaking of Faith continues to make me think. I appreciate your evolution in your faith and ideas and thank you for sharing the wealth of knowledge you are uncovering with us. Thank you Krista!

Love the line about your grandfather "the notion that the mathematics in which he was so mysteriously fluent might be the mother tongue of his God." Beautifully written Krista!

This article took me back several months to a dinner party at the neighbors where we shared a little of our common Oklahoma/Southern Baptist up-bringings. Instead of C.T. my Grandfather was M.T. ... I love this exploration

As man of science who is devoutly religious, I too never understood the "Conflict Thesis". In my estimation, the quest for knowledge is demanded as a prerequisite to truly understand and appreciate the glory and beauty of God's work.

Fixed rules, rites, and rituals of religious membership, past and present, bring an order and connectedness that we instinctively crave in the face of the chaos and complexity, and perhaps it's as it's always meant to be. However...

...if only religious teachings could better model nature's constant call for change, adaptation, and complexity -- a core reexamination/rebirth of conscience from time to time.

Seems it's always through the efforts of an open-minded and talented few that the bottled up questions and disallowed pursuits of the past get to move forward and develop... SLOWLY redefining the nature and limits of what we choose to call mystery ...with equal parts wisdom and scientific inquiry.

...Krista, a kind thanks to you! ...for your outstanding efforts at encouraging understanding and discussion in a complex and disjointed world.

Krista, I found this to be a well written and thought provoking article. While I do not believe it to be the focal point of your article, the idea that struck me the deepest and stayed with me the longest relates to group identity. I think that the health of any group, be it religious or otherwise, is determined both by its ability to nurture its own members and to tolerate those external to it.

In truth, I would like the disposition towards outsiders to be something greater than mere tolerance (acceptance or engagement perhaps). But I will accept tolerance as a start, simply because its lack can be so destructive.