I have been "reflecting" since the closing of your March 24 broadcast. A number of thoughts pass thru my mind.

Foremost is having seen & experienced what Mr. Appiah suggests. Conversation first as a way to establish trust & understanding, then "agreement to disagree". I have been fortunate to travel with a few people, now friends, to spend time with and photographing hill tribes, migratory tribes, boat dwellers as well as small town dwellers in Burma (5 times), India (2 times), Laos (2 times), North Vietnam, Cambodia, central China, Uzbekistan, and Jordan(between intafadas.) We enter these remote villages cautiously, not in thought of our own safety, but hoping not to startle the residents. We engage in conversation out of pure interest & respect - acceptance having replaced judgement as soon as we leave US airspace. We find that interest returned. Conversations may sometimes lead to deeper issues - religion, politics. With one exception we have never tried to convince, or be convinced by the other party. We often marvel that, at the most basic unit of these societies, the tribe, that neither of us wants to do the other harm. And we wonder collectively what it is that dilutes these attitudes & feelings as individuals gain political and/or military power. (As to photography, we NEVER make a photograph without permission, nor do we photograph anything that might embarass or belittle the subject. We may wait hours before a camera is drawn,)
The exception I refer to above took place in Amman, Jordan as my wife & I approached an open market, a large man appeared from one of the stalls shaking his fist and yelling "Americans no good". Without hesitation we approached him and asked him why. Neither of us spoke the others language, but we were soon surrounded by others, among whom was someone who could translate. I asked him if I was "no good"? Was my wife "no good"?. No we were OK but Americans no good. "But", I said, many, many Americans are like us. Are they no good"? We eventually got to the heart of the matter, which was his dislike of American intervention is other nations. After further conversation, we agreed that a nations' leaders may be " no good", but that ordinary folks don't always agree with their leaders.
We eventually shared tea, shook hands, and parted. Next day our group of 8 people went back to that market. Out he came, ready to shake his fist. When he saw Elise & me, he exclaimed "Americans Good - leaders no good". My point is that we each learned something about the other, there were other issues we disagreed on, but neither of us wanted to destroy the other.
Again & again we have learned that "ordinary" people want to live their lives in peace & friendship, regardless of the stated but not defended differences.

THe other thought is a saying that I now live by. When I find myself trying to convince another person that my view is a correct one, I ask myself "Is this a hill I want to die on?" I've found very, very few of death worthy hills."
Mr.Appiah said in an elegant and understandable way how I try to live my life, and helped me to know and feel that I am on the right path.
Thank you very much.
Sincerely
Woody Widlund

Many times people because of their world views profoundly disagree and not on simple matters like who is your favorite sports team, but more often on questions concerning our beliefs of what constitutes “harm” in the realm of right and wrong. If I see harm, but you see “right,”even after long conversations and getting to know one another, then what? I get the impression this show believes our humanity is the only common ground we should concern ourselves with and that all other factors are negotiable, but I wouldn’t agree with that.

If we are sincere about wanting to know how we can coexist without giving up our differences we have to discover what nature teaches about that. The answers are there but in our arrogance we think this is one area where we can find the solution to our problems without relying on nature.

I am heartened to hear that every-day, in-person conversation is the fabric of human interaction that allows us to live with our differences. I was struck by the mention of Town Squares as the place where every-day exchanges used to take place. It made me think of the rise of community gardens - in cities, suburbs and even rural towns like mine. Community gardens can be the new Town Square where we share with each other about the weather, what variety of green bean is best, stories of how our mothers and grandmothers grew the best tomatoes or put up the most peaches. And in this day and age where it is an all-around good thing to grow our food closer to home, you've just added another benefit! Another connection I made is to a periodic column in my local newspaper called, Our Neighbors, by Becky Karush. It is wonderfully written and after reading each piece I feel as if I have had a very personal exchange with someone in my community who although might have a very different political orientation from me, shares many of life's joys and sorrows. Here is the most recent one: http://www.reformer.com/ci_17695638?IADID=Search-www.reformer.com-www.re... Thank you, Krista, for another great show.

it was refreshing to listen to mr appish conversation. i am taking away hope that someday we can get pass the divide of different belief systems and accept each other for simply being human not for our political, religious, and sexual beliefs.

I so agree with him....how I can get this conversation into our high school/college....incorporate this knowledge into the local goverments....call in show at local station etc...bring speaker to town...Alaska needs to also offer a counter the spew that is coming from SP...

Mr. Appiah's story about his next-door neighbor made me think of a couple of very nice, warm, friendly, generous people with whom I really disagree. One is politically very conservative, & the other is a fundamentalist Christian. I never understood how I could ever like someone like that, but now it makes sense to me.

Making space, physically and temporally, for the practice of conversation seems as critical as taking time for self-reflection or including a discipline of exercise in our weekly schedules.

Community programs can organize patterns and rituals for such a practice, yet I suspect it is the commitment to private practice that makes the deepest difference and becomes truly transformative.

that the sentence "i have a friend who is x" (ie: gay, muslim, mexican, texan, etc) that people use when attempting to defend a minority group, speaks to what mr. appiah is saying. once we make an emotional connection and "like" a person who we might not otherwise befriend due to prejudice, our feelings are involved and thus our views expanded, prejudices diluted.

that i will bring flowers to my new neighbours on occasion of the birth of their second baby even though they have been very private about it (maybe because they moved only a couple of weeks ago, maybe because of their culture, maybe because of personality traits, or whatever).

that the premise of sidling can be applied to child rearing at different levels:
within the nuclear family, as parents, so many times in the process of raising a child, we become blindly involved/ preoccupied with issues of obedience, academic performance, or our child's future. or we reject a child in both conscious and subconscious ways because their personality is opposite ours or reminds us of someone who made us suffer in our past. in this respect, sidling with children's innate charms and abilities that we enjoy of them and with them may improve the level of empathy we require to be fair to their needs in the here and now.
within a society, ie: school or neighbourhood, it is clear how commiserating on sleepless nights or talking about sports or food, may provide a space to understand and/ or address issues of parenting which may otherwise go misconstrued or vilified.

as always, thanks for inspiration.

...that the guest was impressive, philosophical and articulate. I tune in to get another man's or woman's grip on perspectives in America, and listen to wonderful earfuls of thought and opinions coming from people who have walked through touching life experiences, and have taken such poetic notes along the way. I never cease to feel reconnected and revitalized after hearing you, Krista,every Sunday morning as you dig into our spiritual and/or soulful condition, and I will add "The Honor Code" to my list of 'need-to-reads'.
Thank you again for a job well and provokingly done.

I love this show! Not just this one, but in general. Thank you.

Re this one, I think your guest (Kwame Anthony Appiah) gave voice and structure to a frustration I've felt for some time about recent political issues and debates, and the media coverage thereof. Speakers will not (or cannot) explain the reasoning behind their particular beliefs, making them seem more like religious tenets than philosophical viewpoints. Reporters/interviewers don't help, as their questions--those that end up on the air, at any rate--dig no deeper into the "why" of what is said. We get no sense that people have reached these conclusions through empirical or thoughtful means. It's as if they received a beliefs menu and checked off a few options--or went with the daily special. Perhaps if we knew some of the experiences and thoughts along the way that led that person to those conclusions, we all might be able to be more understanding, less strident.

No story to share, here, just a rather disjointed thought on a Sunday morning.

In their recent book, American Grace, Robert Putnam and David Campbell used sociological data to make exactly the same point that Prof. Appiah did: Americans are religiously tolerant because their friends and relatives belong to so many different religions. Have you considered inviting Prof. Putnam to join your Civil Conversations Project?

When I was a child we moved many times (21 in 18 years) so my brother and I were always the new kids on the block. I don't know how old I was when I formulated my concept of how to "fit in." It was really quite simple and I continue to use it when meeting new people to this day. I decided that people were like quilts and that, in order, to get to know them all you had to do was find a square on your quilt (personality, interests, etc.) that matched or coordinated with a square on their quilt. When your guest spoke about finding routes to conversation with others it reminded me of that concept. It is so true that all you need for civil discourse is to find a common language. We, people, are so much more alike than we are different.

I'm a Unity minister and tomorrow, the fifth Sunday of Lent, I'm speaking about Overcoming. I will review the experience of overcoming in which we participate - consciously or not. I will recap the many personal things we overcome by praying, meditation, denying, affirming, setting intentions, etc. Those incluse things like fear, shyness, procrastination, insecurity, jealousy, overeating, addiction, anxiety, indecisiveness, etc. Then, because I listed to this podcast on my walk the last two days, I'm going to add something new. The quote I'm using dates to the turn of that last century and was written by Charles Fillmore, "The work that I have to do as a overcomer for the world is to help establish a new race consciousness, a new heaven and a new earth." I'm inviting people to join me in the intention to overcome ideas that perpetuate dualism. Thanks to you, I will use some of the examples that Kwame provided and, thanks to you, I will take them "to the streets." Thank you. I appreciate you. I behold the Christ as you.

I'm a Unity minister and tomorrow, the fifth Sunday of Lent, I'm speaking about Overcoming. I will review the experience of overcoming in which we participate - consciously or not. I will recap the many personal things we overcome by praying, meditation, denying, affirming, setting intentions, etc. Those incluse things like fear, shyness, procrastination, insecurity, jealousy, overeating, addiction, anxiety, indecisiveness, etc. Then, because I listed to this podcast on my walk the last two days, I'm going to add something new. The quote I'm using dates to the turn of that last century and was written by Charles Fillmore, "The work that I have to do as a overcomer for the world is to help establish a new race consciousness, a new heaven and a new earth." I'm inviting people to join me in the intention to overcome ideas that perpetuate dualism. Thanks to you, I will use some of the examples that Kwame provided and, thanks to you, I will take them "to the streets." Thank you. I appreciate you. I behold the Christ as you.

I thoroughly enjoyed the conversation with Professor Appiah. I was struck, indeed dismayed, by your characterization of one major axis of difference in the U.S. as the "Tea Party" folks vs. the "liberal elites." This shows how much, wittingly or unwittingly, the Tea Party language permeates your presentation. Who are the liberal elites? Are they the ones who believe in scientific thinking to understand climate change? The ones who are trying to improve public eduction? The teachers who are laid off because of Tea Party-minded state and local budget cutting?

On Being is such a well put together podcast in so many ways. Besides the obvious things like great content and wonderful voices to listen to, there are moments like those between 20:47 - 21:17 in this episode that just about brilliant. What a great song and editing.