How could I have made a different decision? Why did I make this one? What kind of sexual education did I have? What are you supposed to do when the father skips town? Didn't my own life have any value? Was I ready emotionally and financially able to bear a child for my lifetime? And alone?
Did I have any idea of the psychological price I would pay for 20 years afterwards? Did I know my whole life would be about over- compensating and so to, hopefully, replace the life that I had destroyed? Did I have any idea at the time about how wonderful children are and what a gift they can be to a life?
When and how did I come to know and understand that God had forgiven me? What happened to me, that I at last let go and started to allow myself to enjoy life and happiness in my my own life again? What is the supreme importance of woman friends and their sensitive perspectives?
How did my religious background and tradition help and hinder me from beginning to end of this many years process? What am I doing now on behalf of women in the darkness of an unwanted and unsupportable pregnancy? Where is my anger about abortion now directed? What helped me not be angry with myself? What did I learn about gender differences because of my ordeal in hell?
Why do I still uphold pro-choice decisions about abortion? Why is the freedom to have an abortion protected and why is such a law wise? What worst things happen to women without legal laws and clean hospital care?
What did I deny to myself as a right, a freedom and a liberty out of constant projected guilt from my culture? Who walked in my shoes -with me and for me -- during this core challenging time? Did I even have non-judgmental parents to turn to at this crisis in my life?
Where did I find God in all of this? Why do I still care about what God cares about with regard to women, with regard to abortion?
A Catholic legislator recently told me,: "Life is a gift. It's just that simple." That simple to a poor woman who already has 11 children? Does a loving God "do holy rapes on our will." Isn't my life a gift too? Don't I have the freedom to choose life or death and the consequences of each? Who gave the Church ownership of my own whole life and my own whole being? Who gave power over my life to the "Evangelical Vatican?" What does the Church do in a practical sense, to minimize the temptation to abortion? When will the Church educate men about the creative power and responsibility of having a penis - responsibly? When will the Church know and teach love and believable respect for women, for human sexuality as a celebration fo the life that comes as Gift? Even to women.
Read my story. Let the pain in it speak to you. Talk to 10 other women who have experienced abortion in their history. Let them teach us about abortion instead of insensitive, celibate men and righteous non-sexual women. I would like to share my story anonymously at this time. But it needs to be part of the conversation you have initiated, Krista. I am happy to express my anger about the profound realities of abortion and the pain of it - with women who care to help other women go on to their own lives, liberty and pursuit of happiness.
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