My financial difficulties began a few years before the rest of the nation's. I was an editor at a children's publisher, enjoying a nice salary and respected position. But my soul was dying--from what I thought was the depravity I saw in the workplace. Unable to maintain my humanity in that environment--of devaluing people, manipulating and scheming--I quit and fled the situation. It was when I left that my transformation began. I started to realize that the real problem was in my heart. I had been choking my spirit for a very long time.
I experienced a total stripping down of all control that I imagined I had over my life. God had to take me down into total submission and start teaching me from scratch, as one does for a child or puppy (yes, puppy--I recently got one and, strange as it may seem, am seeing a lot of parallels in the God-human/human-puppy relationship). I still have no stable job, no health insurance, no financial security whatsoever. But an amazing change has happened in my heart. It softened. And I am feeling God deeper and deeper in my heart as each day passes.
I have definitely experienced this economic moment as a spiritual crisis, but feel I'm moving upward and out of the crisis into a new phase of living with conviction--motivated to move this way or that by love for God and others.
I read Exodus during my darkest times -- and I began listening to your SOF program. I wanted to tell you that God has been and still is speaking to me through SOF. Recently, I listened to the program about Quarks and Creation from 2006. It inspired me to start moving. You see, sometimes I still get so discouraged that I sit idle, waiting for God to do something. After listening to the program I was touched by what the guest said about how God works in our lives -- patiently, through processes more than through miracles and magic. I'm learning to take steps, to move, as my spirit and heart rests with God. And trust that he'll illuminate the better path.
Thank you for the work that you do--you have helped me so much.
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