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I apologize for the long question but it is 64 years in the making....

How do you adjust to the possibility that your whole life may have been a search for a god from whom you are not getting a recoginizable, provable response. isn't it getting harder toexcuse God for creating man?

Isn't it starting to feel like religion is 'man' creating a god, that can excuse man's violence. As we get more fearful with progressive age the old excuses wont do. Excuses like free agency requires all exist....for our developement..

Have we erred in our judgment of who or what god is to us, An attempt to excuse god, when he/it created man's futility and violence potential.

In the face of the more agressive hostile meat eaters that are the more prominate and obvious creation of the imagined god who for-knew and therefore, allowed what he/it was creating.
As such, therefore he/it is responsibile for the pervasive inhumanity that seems like mans constant blueprint? Do you agree? We are constantly pitted against agressive violent meat-eaters who are willing to take by any violence necessary for their gain. God created that?