I probably need to talk to a Jungian analyst about this, but after listening to Sylvia Boorstein, I had an incredible dream. I had taken my three-year-old daughter (and apparently a son, who doesn't really exist, but in the dream was named Joshua) to a "play store" (where they can play and climb on things and there are lots of flashing lights, etc.). My parents were there, as were some other people I recognized (who also have small children). I left to go to a store a few doors down, and when I came back, I couldn't find my daughter. I went to the store manager, who said he hadn't seen her in a long time. My parents said they hadn't seen her, and then they left. It seemed no one wanted to help me. I went running out the door screaming for her, running down a forest road at night. I screamed her name three times, but I knew she was gone. Then I woke up. I had to go into her room to make sure she was there. I frequently feel overwhelmed as a parent, and I react with yelling (as did my parents). I swore when I was pregnant that I would never do that, but here I am. I am grateful for the concept that it is just my genetic response, which lifts responsibility from my heart. Another thing that stays with me is the idea that life is of course ephemeral, and it is not useful or pleasant to work myself up. I've had a lovely day, all day today. Not perfect, but my disposition has been markedly lighter. I've reminded myself to think kindly. Thank you, Sylvia. I think that listening to you has started me down a new turn in my life labyrinth.
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