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During my father's journey with AD I found some measure of comfort in considering that while he wasn't able to share what was going on in his head something was taking place in his brain. It was too hard to feel that his disposition which was quite pleasant in his final year wasn't related to some processes, inaccessible to the rest of us that they were. This may have been a huge denial but resembled for me the communications problems that one has with people who speak a non-written language from an isolated culture. His pleasant disposition during his final year as treasured more perhaps because of the angry and combative phase he went through before the wandering, searching for his boyhood home phase both of which were so worrisome.
I agree with the idea of preparing for my own AD altho when offered a chance to participate in a blood test trial I declined, not wanting to know more concretely which might lie ahead.
Thanks for this lovely and insightful reflection.