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Your conversation with Andrew Solomon was one of those "driveway moments" for me. I stopped the car and sat listening. I then went straight to my computer and searched for his book and read the first few pages - then "one clicked" on it. It is such a relief to find someone who in a few paragraphs goes directly to the core of what I've dealt with now for years. I don't suffer from the "collapse" of major depression, it has been an adulthood of mild, "what's the use" feelings. I can't help but wonder if like Andrew, my inability to grieve after the death of my mother (I was 16) led me into this place of aloneness. I've sought help over the years, used Wellbutrin (it pulled me from suicidal musings), but I avoid reaching out to friends because I feel toxic. Why should I burden them? What if my morose outlook brings them down?