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     Perhaps you might experiment with empathy.     My wife walked out when I was 41 and our youngest, a boy, was 4. Within the first three or four years I came to grasp, on a very real and physical and, I believe, human level, how a parent could cast a child out a window, or down the stairs. At certain difficult moments, most often- no, always- while preparing dinner I would have only one dominant thought... I MUST have peace and QUIET!!!  NO one who knows me would have imagined me capable of such a depraved act,   but I've come damned close.