I began writing and the enormity of emotion that arose scared me off into theories and sermons...words. I find myself wanting more than words, wanting to express something more than words, wanting to experience something more than words.
In 56 years of life, I have been poor. Poor as a child in a culture of affluence. Poor as a young parent, trying to repair the need of my childhood through my children and still not having "enough". Poor as a middle-aged woman on my own, juggling rent, healthcare and groceries in less than adequate balance.
I've also been well off in my life. Having enough to give to others, having enough to buy underwear without having to budget it. Having enough to enjoy the beauty and wonder of travel and artistic creativity. Having enough to give spontaneously and generously to others.
Throughout the ups and downs of my economic security (and lack thereof), I've learned and held on to this: there is something more. I don't enjoy the anxious feelings that come with wondering if I'll be able to pay the rent this month. And I ido mmensely enjoy the comfortable feelings that come with affluence. But underneath and beyond those feelings, there is a larger reality. I call it God, and I equate it with justice, love and beauty. This reality doesn't go away in the face of my transiate state of existence with all it's changes, trials and rewards. This is what I taught my children. This is what carries me through the temptation to excess in affluence...and the temptation to despair in poverty.
There is more than enough in the heart of God. That's not just a truism or platitude for me. There is more than enough in the heart of God. I just have to listen to learn where I fit in that abundance at any given moment. Security doesn't exist in what I think I own. Security exists in knowing "Who" owns me.
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