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I don't have a direct answer to your question, but one question I seldom hear asked is why is the definition of marriage is always in terms of religion.  In a nation that makes distinctions between church and state, why isn't marriage seen as a secular contract that is entered by two consenting adults?  If people want their marriage recognized by their church that is their business, but, to me, the contract of marriage itself is a civil, secular institution.

The other question I seldom here posed to the GLBT community (I know it is not one single community, but a plurality of communities) is why they define their relationships around hetersexual values and family structures.  You'd think that if you break the heterosexual rule against same-sex relationships, why wouldn't you be open to creating new definitions of relationships that don't necessarily fall with the heterosexist paradigms?  In other words, whether gay or straight, why do mainstream, middle-class Americans always control the dialogue about relationships and family structure to the exclusion of others?