There are things I don't tell my daughters because I want to protect them. Things I don't tell them because I think they won't understand. Things I don't tell them because I think they won't care. But really, there are only things I don't tell my daughters because I am afraid of being judged by them. And this often-disguised self-protection really only serves to keep my daughters and I from being as deeply connected as we could be. There are many things my own mother, a wonderful, open,creative, spiritual person and my greatest role model, still doing her creative, spiritual and intellectual work at 83, has never shared with me. And it has only been in hearing this story of the empty journals, and reflecting on what it means to me, to all of us, that I have gotten in touch with how sad I am at not really knowing my mother's heart and not sharing mine with her.
Those empty journals made me ache for that connection to my own mother, and for Terry's connection to her mother. Why have we, as strong, articulate, activist mothers and daughters, kept our wisdom from each other? Do we still not trust our own voices?
As one who journals (and speaks) less often and less openly than I used to, I find myself incredibly challenged by those empty journals. I hope that Terry's story,and her willingness to share it publicly, will give me the courage to open my heart to my daughters, and to ask my mother to open hers to me. Thanks.
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