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Thank you for this show. As usual, it got me thinking. In 2002 I had an experience of the "self" falling away, which in Japanese Zen is known as kenshō (this was later verified as authentic by a Zen roshi). The joy, peace, and freedom took my breath away. Yet after a few hours I found myself thinking, "Do I really deserve this?" Then the self came back, and has remained ever since. To this day I don't know why I continue to choose suffering over happiness every day. But I recently read that introverts (like me) prefer meaning over happiness. Maybe there's more meaning in suffering. Maybe that's also what motivates bodhisattvas to put off nirvana to help other beings reach liberation. I really don't know.