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Patricia, your loss will, as you know, leave you totally changed. The heartbreak may come at you like the waves of the ocean, opening you and tearing open an already aching heart over and over again. I've been through this ,and what can happen is that this creation itself (which is alive) will use the situation to ask you, "are you willing to totally surrender." mother-of-us-all may ask you, during your normal meditation time, "are you willing to come into my heart." And if you say yes, you'll sit in the heart of this world. It's most wonderful and you're surrounded by love, but not human love, rather unconditional love. And you're also sitting next to the heartbreak which exists in the heart of this creation. It's a paradox. But the mother-of-us-all can use her heartbreak to wipe out yours. It can leave you depleated and exhausted, but also infused by the unconditional love that grows the trees. And then Trungpa's statement will come alive, "Be able to hold the sorrow of the world in your heart, while never forgetting the great eastern sun." May your Gary's undying love go with you. May peace be with you. namaste