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wow rhonda, you hit the nail on the head. as a victim of DV myself, i tried so many times to let my marine boyfriend (well ex now) know that i can relate to what he is going through. he never believed that, this i know. yeah, being in a warzone with guns and killing is certainly different, however, when you live in fear daily of beatings, verbally, mentally, as well as physically, it wears you down. i have done a lot of work myself to try to nip this in the bud. i just recently started talking to my mother, which i am still shaky about, because she has no recollection of what she put me through when i was growing up, and my younger sister would always tell me that i was bitter and i needed to get over it. its not how it works. she was safe from all of that abuse, she was actually the one that perpetrated a lot of it thru my parents. i was in a DV shelter for 4.5 months, and oh man, i never thought that i would EVER be in that situation, but there i was. i met a lot of ladies who were in there because of significant others, and i was the only one that was there because of my parents. but, the more talking i did, and the more people i tried to help (which was mostly the kids, because i knew exactly how they felt in their situation) the more i helped myself. the therapy was great as well. i went to as many groups as i could throughout the week, because i was there for a purpose, not just a free place to stay because i had no where else to go. it only helps if you think that it will, and i did. my gram keeps telling me that i need to mend fences with my parents, but i cannot give them chance after chance to repeat the same behaviors over and over again like i had in the past. i feel that i am a very moral person, considering what i have went thru in my life. i could very well be another statistic, but i choose to refuse to do so. it is a hard road, but anything worth doing isnt going to be easy...this i know. its a work in progress that i still encounter daily challenges with.