Wow! A week ago today, one of my best friends shot himself. I was sitting here this morning, trying to come to terms with the world without him in it....... Then I heard this about this conversation on the radio.
I'm not sure I have much to say, outright. I know this landscape well. He's not the first friend I've lost to suicide. And, I'd played on the edge of that cliff myself. AND, this friend and I had discussed suicide, and what comes after, often and fearlessly in depth. He didn't believe in suicide. He thought you went to hell if you committed suicide. About my other friend, he said, in his wonderfully blunt, direct way, "I'm sorry, but I won't lie to you. Your friend is in hell. You need to worry about your own self." He meant every word of that, at the time. He WAS sorry. Truly sorry. For my grief and my loss and my friend. But he would NOT lie to me. I'm confident that he never did, because that's the way he was. And, what he said was what he deeply and truly believed. I told him, "If that's the nature of your God, I want NO PART of him!" And, I meant that. Now, I call myself a Christian and that is because of the testimony of this particular friend, although he'd argue the point.
I know he was in a very dark place, when he pulled that trigger. I know that the view from the edge of that cliff is a very narrow one and there are many things you can't see and don't think of. I BELIEVE that now he knows I was right, back then, about the nature of God. That God IS Love and God knows our hearts and our pain and a God like that could hardly reject us because of a momentary choice.
I hope you get a good conversation going here!
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