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It makes sense when you or anyone else says or writes it now - "Stay. You are loved. You are important. Think of your children. Think of the future". But, when you are in that dark place, none of it matters. It is so difficult to understand if you have not been there. Before experiencing "Hell" myself, having experience with others who were depressed, I also thought it was just a matter of "choice" and will power. It is not. No one would choose this. Even now, after escaping, I look back on it and can not comprehend it. I remember it but can not fully grasp where I was. It is unfathomable the amount PHYSICAL pain that can exist in your head. More than childbirth, more than any pain I have ever experienced. After days and days leading to months, you can not take it any longer, you will give up anything to escape it. Whatever rational arguements or reasons others try to give you, it does not matter. They are approaching you from a "normal", healthy mind set and thinking. You are not there! As I said, I can not even comprehend it now. Trying to give logical and rational reasons for living to someone who is suicidal is like trying to explain quantum physics to someone who is mentally challanged. It makes sense to you, you understand it, but they are just INCAPABLE of understanding. That being said, it still is important for others to say these things. Somewhere, inside, even though your brain may be rejecting it, you are feeling it -but it must be combined with treatment. I am not a proponent of medication (did not take even a pain killer for 20 years), but when you are here, you first need to get your mind back to a "normal" place. On the journey back to wellness, having the support and caring of friends, family, and community is vital. Seven years later, friends tell me that they thought I would never be the same again. I tell them that if they had not been there, I would not be here now. The ironic thing is how it ended up changing me for the better. I would never choose to go back and do it over again but I do know that it has forever changed my perspective on life, relationships, and my role in it all.

apples