All my life (I'm 51) I told people "if you ever find me dead, you'd better start a murder investigation, because I would NEVER take my own life." So imagine my shock last August when I found myself contemplating suicide. It was a strange, short road that got me there, and I didn't realize where it was headed. When I suddenly recognized the place to which my thoughts had brought me, I was terrified. Luckily I was already seeing a therapist, and I worked up the nerve to confess my thoughts to her. I got through that time - what saved me, quite honestly, were my two children. I know what the suicide of a parent can do to a child for the rest of his/her life (my brother-in-law's mother committed suicide), and I couldn't do that to my children. They were literally the only reason I stayed alive and made myself endure the emotional pain I was in. I think I would recognize the signs now if I started heading that way again, and I would take steps earlier to avoid the desperation that was driving me to think of killing myself.
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