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I have always been trying to figure out just what was going on--so I could be a part of it. I was properly taught that this was an exciting place to be--a gift to be here--and that it was very important what you do with your life. I always felt there was so much more going on than I could comprehend. The conundrum is that, I tend to think now that I got just as far ahead as I ever could have, whatever I had done, just by staying alive! (--given all the things that have been doing, again, a big confusion for one who believes in individual effort, individual effort.)